What is the different between sex and rape? From wat I remember & from wat i read, the difference is CONTROL. Sex- we hv ctrl, Rape- only rapist hv. Wikipedia cited that men and women have rape fantasy, but they actually want to hv control of the ‘rape’- able to stop when they want.
This is from
http://www.aaets.org/arts/art13.htm (super informative site):
Rape Prevalence
* One in four women surveyed was victim of rape or attempted rape.
* An additional one in four women surveyed was touched sexually against her will
or was victim of sexual coercion.
* 84 percent of those raped knew their attacker.
* 57 percent of those rapes happened while on dates.
* One in twelve male students surveyed had committed acts that met the legal
definitions of rape or attempted rape.
* 84 percent of those men who committed rape said that what they did was
definitely not rape.
* Sixteen percent of the male students who committed rape and ten percent of those
who attempted a rape took part in episodes involving more than one attacker.
Responses of the Victim
* Only 27 percent of those women whose sexual assault met the legal definition of
rape thought of themselves as rape victims.
* 42 percent of the rape victims did not tell anyone about their assaults.
* Only five percent of the rape victims reported the crime to the police.
* Only five percent of the rape victims sought help at rape-crisis centers.
* Whether they had acknowledged their experience as a rape or not, thirty percent
of the women identified as rape victims contemplated suicide after the incident.
* 82 percent of the victims said that the experience had permanently changed them.
It also says : ".....clear physical resistance was a requirement for a rape conviction in California." But, this is no longer the case.
I saw Mad Max 2. There was a scene where a woman was raped. The men was stronger and had a weapon. The woman- defenceless. The woman just laid there, conscious but not moving. The woman was killed after the man finished raping.
I know this is just a movie. But after reading 2 articles in my Gend paper, this is exactly how many real rapes are.
*The below is almost all based on the 2 articles and my GEND tutorial group (who are so smart!). There was more to rape than i thought. This is a taste of wat I learn in my 'Gender:Intro to Feminist Theory' paper.*
Women have always been fearful of rape. Parents give restriction to a girl's movement ("don't go out so often, stay at home"). They have been taught that the outside world is where ppl are always raped. I do agree tat women face more dangers than men coz they are rape targets and also 'the weaker sex'. Since women are so scared of being rape, going out at 2am seem suicide to them (i'm so lucky to be male!). The key word here is 'scared'.
What happens in a rape?
Besides surprise attacks, drugging, etc. some rapist actually talks to u. They might threatened u or talk friendly.
Many cases of victims do not resist or fight rapist, they 'freeze'. She thinks "if I fight back, he will hurt me more". She has already been defeated by herself. It was found that rapist become more violent when the woman was passive. It reinforces the rapist belief they have the control and power over the women. But when women aggressively resist and fought back, it actually works. This makes the rapist feel as if he has lost control of the situation, thus fearing the victim instead.
Why do victims freeze/extremely fearful?
Men and women think the penis is super powerful & 'immortal', making women ever fearful of the penis. But is it? It's actually men's 'Achilles’ heel'. However men build up their body to become 'impenetrable', the penis remains fragile still, especially when erected. Isn't the vagina stronger than the penis? (The Gerai tribe in Borneo actually thinks so. Rape did not exist there). The penis is so vulnerable especially when it's erected. There was one case when a woman (weaker than the rapist) grabbed the rapist's penis "to pull it off the socket", while the rapist punch her head. His penis becomes no longer erected and he ran away. She was injured but not raped.
Women have been underestimating their potential to be aggressive. I do not think women are born to be not aggressive. They can be just as aggressive as men. Men aggressive becoz of testosterone? Maybe, but it's not tat vital to be aggressive. It's society. Men are aggressive becoz that's what makes them 'the man' and part of being macho; while girls are punished by parents and everyone else for being aggressive ("why u acted so rude?"). For men, we are encouraged to be aggressive. It seems to be what a man should do and makes us one. Ppl had asked me to be aggressive. My secondary sch, friends (boys) arm wrestle with each other. Gangs fight with each other. It makes them 'man'. I think this mentality (aggressive=man) trains men to be rapist. I learnt this from the article I read which had an example of male prison rape. The aggressive rapist is known to be masculine, while the victim is seen as feminine.
I've seen countless times in movie when the husband start being violent and the wife just run around, or just remain there being beaten up, crying and stuff. What's so scary with that man? The husband was no 10ft bodybuilder. Why doesn’t that woman just fight back? I think it's not the body strength difference which stop her from retaliating, but it's like "I shouldn't fight my husband, it's a crime/sin/not right" an taught not to do that ('i have to submit to husband. Husband always right'). Metaphorically, they don’t have ‘resist husband/fight back program/aggression’ installed. Who sets the law that women can't fight?
Of cos, I hv seen many good husband who respects wives.
My lecturer: Story of a woman home alone. Saw a man climb over fence. She became so angry and aggressive (& no doubt scared) she confronted the rapist yelling and throwing stuff at him. He became so scared he ran away. But she fainted afterwards. It really shows the aggression hidden inside becoz of social pressure. Female animals are super aggressive when their children are attacked. Therefore, women are aggressive. They don't show it becoz society condemns it. Women also think that being aggressive makes them no longer feminine any more.
There are also cases where I heard that a women suddenly having enormous strength lifting sth up to save their children. Divine intervention? Probably. But I think if there is a god, He/She/It/Indescribable will help and gift those who try. It seems improbable to me that a god will miraculously elevate the piece of concrete when u just stand there. Thus, when women are being raped, they think "I am too weak, I have no chance getting away" is not the way to think!
Self defence courses are really helpful. Screaming, fleeing (recommended), kicking, pushing are ways. Pepper spray, electric shocker,-effective but could be a bit of a hassle to bring everywhere to go.
I think women/men must give their all by fighting back no matter how big and strong or how many rapist there are to protect their honour at all cost. At least the victim had created a chance for help to come or 'turn off' the rapist
I think it's way easier said than done. I 'freeze' when I see a cockroach I know will not be able to harm me. But will I have the courage to fight back if it tries to rob my dignity? I don’t know. I hope I would. But I do know that I am stronger than I think I am (since the human body is capable of amazing feats, which I haven’t harness it's full potential yet). I do underestimate my body and I am frequently surprised at how tough it actually is (surpassing my own expectation). The human body is no doubt, AMAZING. Maybe mind over body does work?
I think it's perfectly normal to be scared. Just an automatic reaction. But ppl can consciously overcome it with some confident.
But even knowing tat men are not tat scary-A lady in tutorial mentioned when she walks down a deserted street at night, and a men walks towards/behind her, she still feels scared. I would too. She also said she feels scared even when she's home alone and always checking whether her doors and windows are locked. The class later discuss tat if a rapist does come, realistically, she would still have the advantage since there's so many hard and sharp objects around. Without light, she will also have an edge coz she knows the location better.
Is tat y women want, need men so much? To protect them so they won't hv to live in tat fear? (Even fearing when they are at home). Is nowhere in the world safe anymore for women? Don't they realise the strength the human body they possess is capable of? (I think whoever created us, was not bias in making men stronger so they could oppress the weaker one, maybe anatomically it is the case, but I don't think it will make tat much difference. Even though the female body is weaker, doesn't mean it's not capable of putting up a fight with men. Women just don't train it, while the men keep training theirs, making them comparatively more and more powerful). Don't they realise that male's power is exaggerated and their own (women) is underestimated? Don't they know they can fight for themselves? Don't they know they don't need a man to fight for them? Don't they know they do not have to be dependant on men? Do women want to live in fear for the rest of their life? (Or maybe they are so used to it they don’t want things to stay the same).
Julius Caesar, facing death, said "it's rather to die once than to constantly fear". I think he does make a point.
I don’t know how women would think, but I think doesn’t matter boy/gal, everyone likes to feel protected & safe. Just human nature I think.
So, would I rather die fighting or be raped & live? I think living my life ever haunted by the experience, living in fear, no body dignity, troubled relationships, struggling with who u are, feeling dirty all the time,..... isn't much worth living at all. I rather die fighting (aiming for the penis since I probably hv no chance taking him down the 'man way'!!). At least after I do survive after raped, I would not feel so bad coz I have tried my best to protect my dignity. I think I would not kill myself even after being raped. I would surely take revenge by going to the police.
I don't know... maybe I will just be so scared that I couldn't move. Hope that's not who I am.
It's also important to realise that not women only fall victims to rape, but men do, and the destruction could have the same degree as women. Since there is more to rape than just penetration, losing control of oneself and being controlled by another men is ego-wise- super destructive aka 'no face'. The ego (culture made)is so important to a man that it is seen by men as part of what being a men is.
Besides, it's important to know statistically, most rape cases are not stranger rape (maybe victims too shamed to report?), but acquaintance rape. When I think of rapist, I think of a sex maniac lurking in dark alleys. It seems this image is not so accurate. A lot of rapist (statistically) are relatives, boyfriends, ppl u know, parents, siblings... So scary. I'm not sure whether girls should carry pepper sprays when dating wiv bf. Maybe they should? since ppl are often wrong in judging ppl, which is so dangerous! (Psychology class learn 1).
It's so sad to know of the aftermath of the rape, women are blamed for the rape ('u asked for it'; 'u should know better than to go out so late'). Women blame themselves too ('I shouldn't go there'; 'I could have....'; 'Why did I......').
"In a study of acquaintance rape survivors (Wiehe & Richards, 1995), 97 percent informed at least one close confidant. The percentage of women who informed the police was drastically lower, at 28 percent. A still smaller number (twenty percent) decided to prosecute. Koss (1988) reports that only two percent of acquaintance rape survivors report their experiences to the police. This compared with the 21 percent who reported rape by a stranger to the police. The percentage of survivors reporting the rape is so low for several reasons. Self-blame is a recurring response which prevents disclosure. Even if the act has been conceived as rape by the survivor, there is often an accompanying guilt about not seeing the sexual assault coming before it was too late." (from the site mentioned above).
In conclusion. I think men are not that strong women are not that weak & dignity is sooo important. By fighting back, I believe it will deter rapist and wannabes to do wat they want.
PS. Some1 pointed out:- In consensual sex, when women say 'Yes' to a men, it seems as if they are handing over their body to the men. Shows that we are so 'sucked in' to the social construct that women & the vagina are passive & weak; and the men are the one who's able to penetrate & strong. This is so disempowering to women.
PS. I think Spring is over (so fast) based on the Sakuras no longer pink (it looked so pretty!) but green now=Summer? Exams are within a fortni